"Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!"
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Quote collection
Woody Allen quotes (page 16 of 41)
818 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there."
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"Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime."
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"I can't express anger. I grow a tumor instead."
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"Early in life, I was visited by the bluebird of anxiety"
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"To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition."
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"No Matter what you do there will be critics."
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"All literature is a footnote to Faust. I have no idea what I mean by that."
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"This stuff tastes awful; I could have made a fortune selling it in my health-food store."
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"It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blowing off."
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"As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on."
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"If 90% of success in life is showing up, the other 10% depends on what you're showing up for."
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"My grammy never gave gifts, you know. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks."
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"Some women feel power is important, some women feel that looks are important, tenderness, intelligence...but sense of humor seems to permeate all of them."
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"Every hooker I ever speak to tells me that it beats the hell out of waitressing."
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"The curtain rises on a vast primitive wasteland, not unlike certain parts of New jersey."
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"And in all of Babylonia there was wailing and gnashing of teeth, 'til the prophets bade the multitudes get a grip on themselves and shape up."
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"Marriage is the death of hope."
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"Should I marry W.? Not if she won't tell me the other letters in her name."
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"Life is unresolved, confusing, bewildering, puzzling, ambiguous. You don't really know what's going to happen. The future is uncertain for everybody."
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