"I wonder how they deal with mice at Disney World."
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Quote collection
Demetri Martin quotes (page 7 of 25)
494 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"If you stretched the average person's intestines out from end to end, it would make them scream a lot."
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"Bowling would be more interesting if it were slightly uphill."
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"Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time."
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"I think they named the orange before the carrot."
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"Leave no stone unturned in your quest to disrupt a rock garden."
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"I was on the train the other day, and I heard somebody say, I'm really good at checkers. That's the same thing as saying, I'm not good at very many things."
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"I have never been in a bad mood and near a beach ball at the same time. Causation? Correlation? Or fate?"
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"I can tell how lonely I am by how easily I'm fooled by a mannequin in a store."
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"I wanna see a snake eat spaghetti."
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"I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos."
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"Right now someone out there is struggling and starting to panic because they can't get out of a tempurpedic bed."
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"I've met a few people who were passive-aggressive, but I've never met anyone who was aggressive-passive. I don't want tacos! Maybe."
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"When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding."
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"My friend has hand soap that smells like coconut. It's nice. Unless your hands are dirty from coconuts."
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"There is a fine line between a sleepover and just drinking way too much at someone else's house."
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"If I were blind, I'd wear a blindfold all the time."
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"What's this about rice milk? I didn't even know rice had nipples!"
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"'Dammit I'm mad' is 'Dammit I'm mad' spelled backwards."
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"I wonder if it's rude for a deaf person to talk with food in their hands."
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