Quote collection
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"One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is 'Libertarian.' People think it puts them above the fray. It sounds fashionable, and to the uninitiated, faintly dangerous. Actually, it's just one more bullshit political philosophy."
"People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver."
"How come when it’s us, it’s an abortion, and when it’s a chicken, it’s an omelette?"
"No one who has had "Taps" played for them has ever been able to hear it."
"By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh."
"I worry about my judgment when anything I believe in or do regularly begins to be accepted by the American public."
"The women who line up at a comic's dressing-room door are not what you'd call your class groupies."
"I'm kinda like herpes, I just keep coming back."
"If you ask me, we could do with a little less motivation. - The people who are causing all the trouble seem highly motivated to me. - Serial killers, stock swindlers, drug dealers, Christian Republicans."
"It's depressing to see blacks wanting to dive into the mainstream of American commercial life. They come from a magnificent African culture based on aesthetics, and they all want to become fort builders like the vicious people who originally enslaved them."
"One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're too tired."
"Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom."
"Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard"
"Energy experts have announced the development of a new fuel made from human brain tissue. It's called assohol."
"I think I am, therefore, I am... I think."
"We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul."
"I'm not an angry person, just very disappointed and contemptuous of my fellow humans' choices - and on stage those feelings sometimes are exaggerated for a theatric stage - you're on a stage you have an audience of 2500 or 3000 people: you need to project the feelings, the emotions it's heightened, and people mistake it for a personal anger but it's more dissatisfaction, disappointment and contempt for these things we've settled for."
"As much as I love my family, I enjoy it when the house is empty, because then I know I'm truly alone, as we all are on the planet, after all. Every atom in us is originally from a star. And during my moments of aloneness, I'm most mindful of that; that I'm just another group of matter randomly but wonderfully arranged. That's when I feel my immortality."
"All music is the blues. All of it."
"The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is."