"The god excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument."
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Quote collection
George Carlin quotes (page 13 of 49)
976 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?"
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"Valentine's Day is devoted to love. Why don't we have a day devoted to hatred? The raw, visceral hatred that is felt every hour of the day by ordinary people, but is repressed for reasons of social order. I think it would be very cathartic, and it would certainly make for an exciting six o'clock news."
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"Every person you look at, you can see the universe in their eyes, if you're really looking"
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"Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?"
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"The Baby Boomers: whiny, narcissistic, self-indulgent people with a simple philosophy: "Gimme that! It's mine!""
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"No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee; I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to."
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"Pardon me I've got nothing to say."
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"In restaurants where they serve frog's legs, what do they do with the rest of the frog? Do they just throw it away? You never see "frog torsos" on the menu. Is there actually a garbage can full of frog bodies in the alley? I wouldn't want to be a homeless guy looking for an unfinished cheeseburger and open the lid on that"
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"It is impossible for an abortion clinic to have a waiting list of more than nine months."
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"If you want to get rid of counterfeit money, put it in the collection plate at church."
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"Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft."
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"I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it."
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"I think of shock as kind of an uptown form of surprise. Comedy is filled with surprise, so when I cross a line... I like to find out where the line might be and then cross it deliberately, and then make the audience happy about crossing the line with me."
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"If voting changed anything, it would be illegal."
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"We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass."
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"If you had chicken at lunch and chicken at dinner, do you ever wonder if the two chickens knew each other?"
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"As powerful as anyone may claim God to be, somehow he always needs money."
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"When something is 'new and improved', which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it."
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"Early in my career I was divided because I had the real self underneath: the lawbreaker, the anarchist, the person who swims against the tide, the outsider, the loner, all of that guy. He was my private self, and I had this other side that wanted to be liked in order to do all those things I dreamed of as a little boy. I didn't realize that those things didn't go together until later. And I'm quite sure that my use of acid and peyote helped me accept what was really going on inside of me instead of what I had imposed on myself."
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