Quote collection
976 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"You wouldn't know it, from some of the things I've said over the years, but I like people. I do. I like people, but I like them in short bursts. I don't like people for extended periods of time. I'm all right with them for a little while, but once you get up past around... a minute, minute and a half, I gotta get the fuck out of there."
"You don’t see many of these white anti-abortion women volunteering to have any black fetuses transplanted into their uterus’s, do you? No, you don’t see them adopting a whole lot of crack babies, do you? No, that might be something Christ would do."
"Religion is just mind control."
"Religion has what is EASILY the greatest bullshit story of all time."
"The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the intellect."
"The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going."
"Life is a series of dogs."
"I think religion is very anti-man. I think it's a terrible distortion and exploitation of a very natural urge every human has - to be rejoined with the one somehow, to become a part of the universe. Once the high priests and the traders took over, we were lost as a species."
"hard work is a misleading term. physical effort & long hours do not constitute hard work. hard work is when someone pays you to do something you'd rather not be doing. anytime you'd rather be doing something other than the thing you're doing...you're doing hard work."
"Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down."
"I make fun of people who are religious, because they're fundamentally weak."
"We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing"
"Never get on an airplane if the pilot is wearing a hat that has more than three pastel colors."
"Leftovers make you feel good twice. First, when you put it away, you feel thrifty and intelligent: 'I'm saving food!' Then a month later when blue hair is growing out of the ham, and you throw it away, you feel really intelligent: 'I'm saving my life!'"
"There are some people that aren't into all the words. There are some people who would have you not use certain words. Yeah, there are 400,000 words in the English language, and there are seven of them that you can't say on television. What a ratio that is. 399,993 to seven. They must really be bad. They'd have to be outrageous, to be separated from a group that large. All of you over here, you seven. Bad words. That's what they told us they were, remember? 'That's a bad word.' You know bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions."
"I definitely have a gift for language that is rhythmic and attractive to the ear, and I have interesting [verbal] imagery which I guess is a poetic touch."
"Test of Metal: Will of Iron, Nerves of Steel, Heart of Gold, Balls of Brass."
"They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth."
"If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?"
"I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well."