Quote collection
976 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"Grass [marijuana] probably helped me as much as it hurt me. Especially as a performer. When you're high, it's easy to kid yourself about how clever certain mediocre pieces of material are. But, on the other hand, pot opens windows and doors that you may not be able to get through any other way."
"Grass probably helped me as much as it hurt me. Especially as a performer."
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."
"The status quo sucks."
"Jesus was a cross-dresser."
"So I live in Los Angeles, and it's kind of a goofy place. They have an airport named after John Wayne. That ought to explain it. It has a charming kind of superstitious innocence."
"I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook."
"You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans."
"If you you think there is a solution, you're part of the problem."
"Know my feelings about traffic laws? Cop didn't see it? I didn't do it."
"I'm not in show business because I don't have to go to the meetings, I'm just not a part of it, I don't belong to it. When you "belong" to something. You want to think about that word, "belong." People should think about that: it means they own you. If you belong to something it owns you, and I just don't care for that. I like spinning out here like one of those subatomic particles that they can't quite pin down."
"For a long time, I've distinguished between entertainer and performer and entertainer and artist. To me, an entertainer is someone who pleases others, and an artist tries to please himself."
"All the wrong things for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes people just want to feel different. And so long as Third World peasants are poor they will send us drugs, and as long as we are empty we will ask for this little plant."
"Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws."
"Some people think that words can injure the psyche or the moral fiber. And they really can't."
"The symphony orchestra had played poorly, so the conductor was in a bad mood. That night he beat his wife--because the music hadn't been beautiful enough."
"People have material needs, but you don't need a deodorant for every different day of the week. You don't need four hundred varieties of mustard. This is what I call too many choices. There are too many choices in America."
"Self-expression is a hallmark of an artist, of art, to get something off one's chest, to sing one's song. So that element is present in all art. It is the key to even standing up and saying, "Hey, listen to me." Self-expression can be based on looking at the world and making observations about it."
"Once the high priests and the traders took over, we were lost as a species."
"I went to my old school, where all the kids I'd been with for eight years were about to graduate. But the sisters wanted me to repeat the whole term; so I went to the principal and pleaded with her to allow me to graduate with my class. She finally agreed on the condition that I write the graduation play. It was called How Do You Spend Your Leisure Time?Catchy title, huh?"