"If black boxes survive air crashes - why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?"
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Quote collection
George Carlin quotes (page 7 of 49)
976 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"Israeli murderers are called "commandos," Arab commandos are called "terrorists.""
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"The highly motivated people in society are the ones causing all the trouble. It's not the lazy unmotivated folks sitting in front of a TV eating potato chips who bother anyone."
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"I've begun worshipping the sun for a number of reasons. First of all, unlike some other gods I could mention, I can see the sun. It's there for me every day. And the things it brings me are quite apparent all the time: heat, light, food, and a lovely day. There's no mystery, no one asks for money, I don't have to dress up, and there's no boring pageantry. And interestingly enough, I have found that the prayers I offer to the sun and the prayers I formerly offered to "God" are all answered at about the same 50% rate."
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"People think life is real complicated. Actually, there's nothing to it. Once you leave out all the bullshit they teach you in school, life gets really simple."
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"I'm never critical or judgmental about whether or not a movie is any good. The way I look at it, if several hundred people got together every day for a year or so - a number of then willing to put on heavy makeup, wear clothes that weren't their own and pretend to be people other than themselves - and their whole purpose for doing all this was to entertain me, then I'm not gonna start worrying about whether or not they did a good job. The effort alone was enough to make me happy."
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"Life is sacred? Who said so? God? Hey, if you read history, you realize that God is one of the leading causes of death."
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"If a painting can be forged well enough to fool experts, why is the original so valuable?"
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"You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar."
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"Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"
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"If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?"
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"Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky."
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"Governments don't want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation."
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"Surround yourself with what you love."
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"A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff."
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""No comment" is a comment."
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"Children should be taught to question everything . . . everything they read and everything they hear."
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"Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time."
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"I don't get all choked up about yellow ribbons and American flags. I see them as symbols, and I leave them to the symbol-minded."
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"When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?"
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