"The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity."
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Quote collection
George Carlin quotes (page 5 of 49)
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"We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values."
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"Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away."
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"I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions."
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"Property is theft. Nobody "owns" anything. When you die, it all stays here."
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"To me, authority is something that a freer spirit, a more independent mind, and a person who can handle the world, doesn't need guidance from."
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"If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?"
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"Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money."
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"Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town."
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"There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot."
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"The word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out."
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"Military cemeteries around the world are packed with brainwashed dead soldiers who were convinced God was on their side. America prays for God to destroy our enemies. Our enemies pray for God to destroy us. Somebody's gonna be disappointed! Somebody's wasting their time! Could it be.. everyone?"
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"What exactly is 'viewer discretion'? If viewers had discretion, most television shows would not be on the air."
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"We think in language. The quality of our thoughts and ideas can only be as good as the quality of our language."
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"There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls."
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"I've set my own rules to live by. The first one is: 'Never believe ANYthing the government says.'"
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"If you're looking for self-help, why would you read a book written by somebody else?"
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"When it comes to bullshit...bigtime, major league bullshit...you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims...religion."
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"Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people."
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"One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim."
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