"Be open minded, but not so open minded that your brains fall out."
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Quote collection
Groucho Marx quotes (page 2 of 16)
319 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."
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"The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open."
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"She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon."
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"My brother thinks he's a chicken-We don't talk him out of it because we need the eggs"
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"I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal."
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"There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man."
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"Before you speak, make certain you have something worthwhile to say."
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"Will you marry me? Do you have any money? Answer the second question first."
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"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot."
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"Well, that covers a lot of ground. Say, you cover a lot of ground yourself. You better beat it - I hear they're going to tear you down and put up an office building where you're standing. You can leave in a taxi. If you can't get a taxi, you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff. You know, you haven't stopped talking since I came here? You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle."
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"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.'"
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"I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt."
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"Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?"
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"A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running."
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"I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course."
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"I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."
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"Time wounds all heels."
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"Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women."
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"If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much - just an occasional sun visor."
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