"I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."
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Quote collection
Groucho Marx quotes (page 3 of 16)
319 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house."
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"If the garbage man calls, tell him we don't want any."
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"I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself."
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"Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!"
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"I intend to live forever, or die trying."
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"Women should be obscene, not heard."
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"Patience is the art of finding something else to do."
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"Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough."
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"Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere."
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"Marriage is the chief cause of divorce."
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"I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home."
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"You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and that's not saying much for you"
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"I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it."
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"This isn't a particularly novel observation, but the world is full of people who think they can manipulate the lives of others merely by getting a law passed."
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"There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook."
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"Budget: a way of going broke methodically"
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"If we had some eggs we could have eggs and ham, if we had some ham."
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"No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend. I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up."
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"Middle age is when you go to bed at night and hope you feel better in the morning. Old age is when you go to bed at night and hope you wake up in the morning."
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