"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
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Quote collection
Groucho Marx quotes (page 4 of 16)
319 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"The only real laughter comes from despair."
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"I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that."
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"I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member."
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"Whatever it is, I'm against it."
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"You've got a goal in life. I've got a goal. Now all we need is a football team."
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"I cannot say that I don't disagree with you."
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"I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you."
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"Why would I want to join an organization that would encourage people like myself to become members."
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"Now there's a man with an open mind - you can feel the breeze from here!"
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"What have future generations ever done for us?"
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"I can't understand why you don't get any mail from me. Perhaps it's because I haven't been writing"
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"When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay."
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"I made a killing on Wall Street a few years ago...I shot my broker."
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"I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up."
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"I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book . . . The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make dry toast, instant coffee, hearts of lettuce and brownies. But as an added attraction, at no extra charge, my idea was to put a fried egg on the cover. I think a lot of people who hate literature but love fried eggs would buy it if the price was right."
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"I have an agreement with the houseflies. The flies don't practice law and I don't walk on the ceiling."
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"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today."
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"If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price we have to pay for sweeping a woman off hers."
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"I'd like to meet the person who invented sex and see what they're working on now."
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