"I've never been an intellectual but I have this look."
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Humor quotes
Humor
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Humor quotes (page 43 of 192)
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"At NBC I wasn't really sure if the grandparents were going to get my sense of humor on a particular topic."
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"A copy of the universe is not what is required of art; one of the damned things is ample."
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"I get mail; therefore I am."
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"Above all things, and at all times, practice yourself in good humor."
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"The comic spirit is given to us in order that we may analyze, weigh, and clarify things in us which nettle us, or which we are outgrowing, or trying to reshape"
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"I am a great believer that what makes our show different is the humor."
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"An idea is a feat of association."
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"You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.'"
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"The Second Amendment! It says you have the right to bear arms, or the right to arm bears, whatever the hell you want to do!"
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"I believe in eight of the ten commandments. I believe in going to church every Sunday... unless there's a game on."
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"Half the people you know are below average."
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"Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?"
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"Clones are people two."
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"How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?"
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"Today I dialed a wrong number... The other person said, "Hello?" and I said, "Hello, could I speak to Joey?"... They said, "Uh... I don't think so... he's only 2 months old." I said, "I'll wait.""
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"The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me."
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"Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?"
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"I broke my arm trying to fold a bed. It wasn't the kind that folds."
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"I Xeroxed my watch. Now I have time to spare."
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