"If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?"
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Humor quotes
Humor
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Humor quotes (page 48 of 192)
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"I invented the cordless extension cord."
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"I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes."
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"At one point he decided enough was enough."
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"Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?"
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"My father was a small claims court jester."
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"There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices. In the back, you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air."
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"I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass."
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"If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?"
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"My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out."
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"The secret to success is to subjugate your ego and serve others."
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"The function of abundance is not to possess things but to use them and gather experiences."
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"There is a mandate to impose a voluntary return to traditional values."
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"I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man."
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"There was an Irish space program to go to the sun. They went at night so they didn't get burnt."
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"The council in Blackpool have given the homeless bus passes, but how would they know where to get off?"
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"Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: "Have a drink on me." The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag."
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"I just want to apologise for being late. I was flying back from Spain and the air hostess said: "We are two hours late Mr Carson." When I asked why, she said: "The pilot has heard a funny noise in the engine that he doesn't like, so we are waiting on another pilot who can't hear it.""
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"A man up in front of a judge says "I don't recognise this court." "Why not?" "It's been redecorated since the last time I was here.""
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"If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!"
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