“The entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 138 of 1263
“I’ve never considered myself a femme fatale as I’ve never seduced anyone and ruined their lives. At least as far as I know.”
“Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant.”
“Eating a raw oyster is like french kissing a mermaid.”
“Some idiotic things are well worth doing.”
“If I was a Pokemon, I'll either be a Psyduck or a Jigglypuff.”
“Poets are like baseball pitchers. Both have their moments. The intervals are the tough things.”
“I'm really easy to get along with once you see it my way.”
“Cricket is basically baseball on valium.”
“What is comedy? Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.”
“I was hitchhiking the other day and a hearse stopped. I said, 'No thanks, I'm not going that far.”
“I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.”
“Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.”
“Isn't it strange that ... people build walls to keep an enemy out, and there's only one part of the world and one philosophy where they have to build walls to keep their people in”
“Government is not a solution to our problem government is the problem.”
“Let the music defuse all the tension.”
“I don't like walking around with people thinking I'm doing uncool s--, because there's nothing I'm doing that's uncool. It's all innovative. You just might not understand it yet. But it's cool. Family is super cool. Going home to one girl every night is super cool. Just going home and getting on the floor and playing with your child is super cool. Not wearing a red leather jacket, and just looking like a dad and s--, is like super cool. Having someone that I can call Mom again. That s-- is super cool.”
“Don't, Ginny, we'll send you loads of owls. We'll send you a Hogwarts toilet seat. George! Only joking, Mum.”
“In a thousand years, archeologists will dig up tanning beds and think we fried people as punishment.”
“Ten men waiting for me at the door? Send one of them home, I'm tired.”