“I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 156 of 1263
“When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.”
“It was a bit of fun. But of course like anything that starts as a joke, people started to take it all seriously!”
“No nation in history has ever survived a tax burden that reached a third of its national income.”
“Don't flail against the world, use it. Flexibility is the operative principle in the art of war.”
“I see guys with, like, eyebrow art, and I wanna tell them, 'You don't have to go too crazy on your brows. Take it easy, man!”
“A fox is a wolf who sends flowers.”
“Emotions aren't doable. Actions are doable, and if you do them correctly, they prompt the feelings.”
“Man… ninjas are kind of cool… I just don’t know any personally.”
“Lies circle the earth while Truth is still trying to put on its shoes.”
“Every time I wake up I have this huge dreadlock in the back, and I don't know why. It's not like I sleep like a maniac or anything. It gets knots out really easy, and it's handy.”
“I don't get jealousy, I don't get how people hate each other - I never did.”
“Actions speak louder than meetings.”
“I was a freethinker before I knew how to think.”
“When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?”
“I don't understand why prostitution is illegal, Selling is legal, f***ing is legal. So why isn't it legal to sell f***ing? Why should it be illegal to sell something that's legal to give away?”
“Someone said drink the water, but I will drink the wine Someone said take a poor man, the rich don't have a dime Go fool yourself, if you will, I just haven't got the time I'll give you back your water, and I will take the wine.”
“There are things about organized religion which I resent. Christ is revered as the Prince of Peace, but more blood has been shed in his name than any other figure in history. You show me one step forward in the name of religion, and I'll show you a hundred retrogressions…I'm for decency—period. I'm for anything and everything that bodes love and consideration for my fellow man. But when lip service to some mysterious deity permits bestiality on Wednesday and absolution on Sunday—count me out.”
“Cider was my drink because I liked the taste and it made me stupid.”
“What a strange machine man is! You fill him with bread, wine, fish, and radishes, and out comes sighs, laughter, and dreams.”