“I prefer an interesting vice to a virtue that bores.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 163 of 1263
“So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things.”
“Sometimes at the best moments a single word or a look is enough.'”
“Words have a longer life than deeds.”
“When it comes to Chinese food I have always operated under the policy that the less known about the preparation the better. A wise diner who is invited to visit the kitchen replies by saying, as politely as possible, that he has a pressing engagement elsewhere.”
“The grotesque prudishness and archness with which garlic is treated in [England] has led to the superstition that rubbing the bowl with it before putting the salad in gives sufficient flavor. It rather depends whether you are going to eat the bowl or the salad.”
“The thing everyone should realize is that the key to happiness is being happy for yourself and yourself.”
“People think you're crazy if you talk about things they don't understand.”
“Anybody with a sense of humor is going to put on my album and laugh from beginning to end.”
“A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.”
“Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.”
“I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.”
“Everybody's human-everybody makes mistakes. If you laugh it off and keep going and try to give it your best the next time around, people respect that.”
“I used to have a drug problem, but now I have enough money.”
“I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.”
“The problem with my balloon collection is that people always think there's a party. Settle down. It's not a party. It's just balloons.”
“It is a little ironic that one thing a babysitter should not do is sit on a baby.”
“I can give you high blood pressure just on the phone by criticizing you. On the other hand, I can send a tweet to somebody in China and give them a dopamine hit.”
“A third myth is that men think that women like guys who are dangerous. As a result, guys will often smoke cigarettes, drink too much, and ride a motorcycle without a helmet. The reality? Women don't like guys who are dangerous. Women want us to think that because women are trying to kill us.”
“[On Katharine Hepburn's stage performance:] She ran the whole gamut of emotions, from A to B.”