“Nothing travels faster than the speed of light, with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 164 of 1263
“An intellectual is a man who takes more words than necessary to tell more than he knows.”
“Think about yourself at least once in your life otherwise you may miss the best comedy in this world.”
“Life salutes u when u make others happy”
“Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies... a man's lie is, "I'm at Tony house, I was at Kenny house!" A woman lie is like, "It's your baby!"”
“Cheesecake Factory is great. It should have Michelin stars.”
“Don't bother tellin' me what I've got comin' in the morning... I already know. I've got some feel good pills and a red Gatorade by my bed, ready to go!”
“A metallurgist is someone who can look at a platinum blonde and tell whether she's virgin material or a common ore.”
“Let them that don't want none have memories of not gettin' any.”
“If you make an ass out of yourself, there will always be someone to ride you.”
“Every day, I work at not taking this fame thing seriously. Fortunately, I have a great group of friends who help me do this.”
“I like feet. I definitely have a fetish. I love to see a man's bare foot, but it's got to be taken care of. If they're not well manicured, you've got to wonder what the rest of him is like. [laughs] I don't want to get in bed with somebody and feel his gnarly feet.”
“I have a good, hearty laugh and an energetic handshake, and those are trump cards.”
“The effort to strive for truth has to precede all other efforts.”
“It is funny you know, you spend 12 years of your life learning about things and about life, but they never really tell you how hard life really is.”
“You know, you go home and you try on a new mascara, and I guess a male CEO can't do that.”
“Wit is well-bred insolence.”
“There are only two or three human stories, and they go on repeating themselves as fiercely as if they had never happened before.”
“Don't interrupt me while I'm interrupting.”
“I drink a great deal. I sleep a little, and I smoke cigar after cigar. That is why I am in two-hundred-percent form.”