“Now as through this world I ramble, I see lots of funny men, Some rob you with a six gun, And some with a fountain pen.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 165 of 1263
“Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.”
“The end justifies the means. But what if there never is an end? All we have is means.”
“Take me, I am the drug; take me, I am hallucinogenic.”
“Since I don't smoke, I decided to grow a mustache - it is better for the health. However, I always carried a jewel-studded cigarette case in which, instead of tobacco, were carefully placed several mustaches, Adolphe Menjou style. I offered them politely to my friends: "Mustache? Mustache? Mustache?" Nobody dared to touch them. This was my test regarding the sacred aspect of mustaches.”
“Then I went back into the house and wrote, It is midnight. The rain is beating on the windows. It was not midnight. It was not raining.”
“The whisky bears a grudge against the decanter.”
“The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.”
“Habit is the ballast that chains the dog to his vomit.”
“Roses are red, violets are blue, so are my balls thanks to you.”
“Every old man complains of the growing depravity of the world, of the petulance and insolence of the rising generation.”
“Pride is all very well, but a sausage is a sausage.”
“I wish I were dumber so I could be more certain about my opinions. It looks fun.”
“Who you gonna believe-me or your lying eyes?”
“Will there be any bartenders up there in Heaven, will the pubs never close?”
“You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm.”
“In polite society, we call our obsessions hobbies.”
“I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.”
“Christmas can be celebrated in the school room with pine trees, tinsel and reindeers, but there must be no mention of the man whose birthday is being celebrated. One wonders how a teacher would answer if a student asked why it was called Christmas.”
“It's so easy to laugh, It's so easy to hate, It takes guts to be gentle and kind.”