“- I'm so busy doing what I must do that I don't have time for what I ought to do... and I never get a chance to do what I want to do! - Son, that's universal. The way to keep that recipe from killing you is occasionally to do what you want to do anyhow.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 171 of 1263
“In all of us, even in good men, there is a lawless wild-beast nature, which peers out in sleep.”
“It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.”
“Hairdressers are professional gossips; when only the hands are busy, the tongue is seldom still.”
“I've discovered special makeup by a company called M.A.C. You could wear it on the surface of the sun and it wouldn't move.”
“When you create you get a little endorphin rush. Why do you think Einstein looked like that?”
“I studied with the Maharishi for many years, and really didn't learn that much. But one thing that he taught me, I'll never forget: 'ALWAYS...' no, wait-- 'NEVER...' no, wait, it was 'ALWAYS carry a litter bag in your car. It doesn't take up much room, and if it gets full, you can toss it out the window.'”
“When I die, now don't think that I'm a nut, don't want no fancy funeral, just one like old King Tut.”
“Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I'd have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.”
“In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence.”
“What happens if you get scared half to death twice?”
“I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.”
“I've never intended to be controversial but it's very easy to be controversial in pop music because nobody ever is.”
“The trouble with emergencies is," she said, "that I always put on my finest underwear and then nothing happens.”
“Even a dog distinguishes between being stumbled over and being kicked.”
“Ladies who play with fire must remember that smoke gets in their eyes.”
“Don't use the phone. People are never ready to answer it. Use poetry.”
“A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.”
“Marriage is a long, dull meal with dessert served at the beginning.”
“A Bavarian is half-way between an Austrian and a human being.”