Funny feeling

Funny Quotes — page 197 of 1263

Demetri Martin Comedian, Actor
Funny

“If you want to make a mythical creature, just take a regular animal and add wings to it. A horse becomes a pegasus, a lion becomes a griffin, and a hawk... becomes a double hawk.”

20 likes
Dennis Miller Comedian
Funny

“Twitter! Never have lives been less lived and more chronicled!”

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Dick Pound Sports Administrator
Funny

“Drug use, within entire teams continues unabated. It is planned and deliberate cheating, with complex methods, sophisticated substances and techniques, and the active complicity of doctors, scientists, team officials and riders. There is nothing accidental about it.”

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Diogenes Philosopher
Funny

“People who talk well but do nothing are like musical intruments; the sound is all they have to offer.”

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Dorothy Parker Poet, Writer, Critic
Funny

“I was always sweet, at first. Oh, it's so easy to be sweet to people before you love them.”

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Dorothy Parker Poet, Writer, Critic
Funny

“If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised.”

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Dorothy Parker Poet, Writer, Critic
Funny

“[On hearing that Clare Boothe Luce was invariably kind to her inferiors:] And where does she find them?”

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Douglas Adams Writer, Humorist
Funny

“Life... is like a grapefruit. Well, it's sort of orangey-yellow and dimpled on the outside, wet and squidgy in the middle. It's got pips inside, too. Oh, and some people have half a one for breakfast.”

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Al Pacino Actor, Filmmaker
Funny

“The hardest thing about being famous is that people are always nice to you. You're in a conversation and everybody's agreeing with what you're saying - even if you say something totally crazy. You need people who can tell you what you don't want to hear.”

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Charles Dickens Novelist
Funny

“We know, Mr. Weller - we, who are men of the world - that a good uniform must work its way with the women, sooner or later.”

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Chris Rock Comedian, Actor, Writer
Funny

“Karaoke isn't fair when you're a comedian. The whole idea is to get people laughing and enjoying themselves, and I'm a professional funny guy.”

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Conan O'Brien Television Host, Comedian
Funny

“LEGO has announced that they are shutting down their U.S. factory and moving it to Canada. LEGO employees say it's their fault because they made the factory too easy to take apart and rebuild somewhere else.”

Cormac McCarthy Novelist, Screenwriter
Funny

“Anything that doesn't take years of your life and drive you to suicide hardly seems worth doing.”

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Bette Davis Actress
Funny

“Fasten your seat belts, it's going to be a bumpy night! - As Margo Channing in All About Eve”