“The cause of all pain and suffering is ignorance.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 211 of 1263
“Scurrility has no object in view but incivility; if it is uttered from feelings of petulance, it is mere abuse; if it is spoken in a joking manner, it may be considered raillery.”
“A lot of comic actors derive their main force from childish behavior. Most great comics are doing such silly things; you'd say, 'That's what a child would do.”
“Cocaine is totally different than steroids.”
“Well, possibly," I said, feeling my lips twitch again. "But maybe first you would tell us why you chose to manifest yourself in the form of Shirley Temple as last seen on the 'Good Ship Lollipop'?" The demon twirled around, its big pink sash fluttering as it smoothed down its dress and frilly little petticoat. "My grotesque form isn't making you sick with fright?" We both shook our heads, Noelle with a hand over her mouth to keep from laughing out loud. "Shirley Temple at her pinnacle was frightening," I finally told it, "but not in the sense I think you mean.”
“My name is "A Pimp named Slickback" Wait... A Pimp?? ... Named Slickback. Yes, please say the whole thing if you would. Yes, that includs the "A Pimp Named" part. Yes Tom, everytime.”
“No question is so difficult to answer as that to which the answer is obvious.”
“It is more dangerous to be a great prophet or poet than to promote twenty companies for swindling simple folk out of their savings.”
“Why do they bother saying "raw sewage"? Do some people actually cook that stuff?”
“Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.”
“I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.”
“When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?”
“Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.”
“People are so ridiculous with their illusions, carrying their fool's caps unawares, thinking their own lies opaque while everybody else's are transparent, making themselves exceptions to everything, as if when all the world looked yellow under a lamp they alone are rosy.”
“And certainly, the mistakes that we male and female mortals make when we have our own way might fairly raise some wonder that we are so fond of it.”
“Bureaucrats: they are dead at 30 and buried at 60. They are like custard pies; you can't nail them to a wall.”
“There's a fine line between the Method actor and the schizophrenic.”
“Rock 'n roll smells phony and false. It is sung, played and written for the most part by cretinous goons and by means of its almost imbecilic reiteration and sly, lewd, in plain fact, dirty lyrics ... manages to be the martial music of every side-burned delinquent on the face of the earth.”
“Okay, you've convinced me. Now go out there and bring pressure on me.”
“The only thing we have to fear...is audiovisual glitches at our annual event.”