“I love to do the things the censors won't pass.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 212 of 1263
“The passenger train is like the male teat - neither useful nor ornamental.”
“Whatever is funny is subversive, every joke is ultimately a custard pie... a dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion.”
“Modern toleration is really a tyranny. It is a tyranny because it is a silence.”
“Political Economy means that everybody except politicians must be economical.”
“Music with dinner is an insult both to the cook and the violinist.”
“Die, my dear? Why that's the last thing I'll do!”
“An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of bandages and adhesive tape.”
“I know, I know - you're a woman who's had a lot of tough breaks. Well, we can clean and tighten those brakes, but you'll have to stay in the garage all night.”
“I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.”
“I've met a lot of pin-up girls, but I've never been able to pin one down”
“I'm going to Iowa for an award. Then I'm appearing at Carnegie Hall, it's sold out. Then I'm sailing to France to be honored by the French government - I'd give it all up for one erection.”
“A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.”
“The world is a grindstone and life is your nose”
“Oysters open completely when the moon is full; and when the crab sees one it throws a piece of stone or seaweed into it and the oyster cannot close again so that it serves the crab for meat. Such is the fate of him who opens his mouth too much and thereby puts himself at the mercy of the listener.”
“There is no such thing as an underestimate of average intelligence.”
“If we could read the secret history of our enemies.”
“The text has disappeared under the interpretation.”
“Those who do not read the news are uninformed. Those who do are misinformed.”
“There's always something about your success that displeases even your best friends.”