“Sits like a man, but smiles like a reptile.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 227 of 1263
“A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.”
“Here is a tip for all you young people drinking wine. With pasta, drink white wine. With steak, drink red wine. And if you're vegan, you're annoying.”
“A jerk on a motorcycle is equal to a leaf, because I find it beautiful when these things fall.”
“Whenever I try to spell 'banana,' I feel stupid because I don't know when to end it.”
“A lot of people don't like bumper stickers. I don't mind bumper stickers. To me a bumper sticker is a shortcut. It's like a little sign that says 'Hey, let's never hang out.'”
“If you remove a treehouse from a tree, than it's just a shitty house. Sometimes when i'm in a shitty house, I like to imagine that it's in a tree, than it's like Woah, this house is amazing.”
“First of all move me, surprise me, rend my heart; make me tremble, weep, shudder; outrage me; delight my eyes afterwards if you can.”
“I haven't seen someone so overmatched since Mike Tyson tried to recite the alphabet.”
“The music is just like Detroit, a complete mistake. It's like George Clinton and Kraftwerk are stuck in an elevator with only a sequencer to keep them company.”
“It's funny, because music is one of those things it is natural to go into. You hear it so much growing up, it kind of permeates you and eventually you spew out some music of your own.”
“The priceless galaxy of misinformation called the mind.”
“Ford... you're turning into a penguin. Stop it.”
“The little waiter's eyebrows wandered about his forehead in confusion.”
“There are some people you like immediately, some whom you think you might learn to like in the fullness of time, and some that you simply want to push away from you with a sharp stick.”
“It's easy to smile when you have a squirrel's intellect.”
“I think that women just have a primeval instinct to make soup, which they will try to foist on anybody who looks like a likely candidate.”
“The sweeter the apple, the blacker the core. Scratch a lover and find a foe!”
“Be sincere. Be simple in words, manners, and gestures. Amuse as well as instruct. If you can make a man laugh, you can make him think and make him like and believe you.”
“I enjoy the bad things that are said about me. It enhances sales and makes me feel evil. I don't like to feel good 'cause I am good. But evil? Yes. It gives me another dimension.”