“Women are like roads. The more curves they have, the more dangerous they are.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 38 of 1263
“The English country-gentleman galloping after a fox — the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable.”
“What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a poodle peeing on your leg? You let the Rottweiler finish.”
“Weather forecast for tonight: dark.”
“While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.”
“Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.”
“What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.”
“Poetry is a deal of joy and pain and wonder, with a dash of the dictionary.”
“A gentleman is someone who knows how to play the banjo and doesn't.”
“The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.”
“In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.”
“A neurotic is a man who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the man who lives in it. A psychiatrist is the man who collects the rent.”
“The story of life is quicker then the blink of an eye, the story of love is hello, goodbye.”
“True love is like a pair of socks: you gotta have two and they've gotta match.”
“I get diminishing returns when I bore myself in an interview.”
“Film your murders like love scenes, and film your love scenes like murders.”
“I'm half-Irish, half-Dutch, and I was born in Belgium. If I was a dog, I'd be in a hell of a mess!”
“Honest good humor is the oil and wine of a merry meeting, and there is no jovial companionship equal to that where the jokes are rather small and laughter abundant.”
“The only traditions of the Royal Navy are rum, sodomy and the lash.”
“It's all in your headJ you have the power to make things seem hard or easy or even amusing. The choice is yours.”