“I can't hang out as loose as I used to, but I can still go down Jefferson Avenue and look in the faces of winos, pimps and junkies, all the things I'm made of.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 39 of 1263
“I'm quite obviously not the world's most handsome man - I'm the second world's most handsome man!”
“I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.”
“Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.”
“Everyone thinks their baby is a genius. People find it delightfully refreshing when I tell them, My baby? Totally average. Like, 100 percent average.”
“Man shouldn’t be able to see his own face – there’s nothing more sinister. Nature gave him the gift of not being able to see it, and of not being able to stare into his own eyes. Only in the water of rivers and ponds could he look at his face. And the very posture he had to assume was symbolic. He had to bend over, stoop down, to commit the ignominy of beholding himself. The inventor of the mirror poisoned the human heart.”
“If you cannot prove a man wrong, don't panic. You can always call him names.”
“Rugby is a good occasion for keeping thirty bullies far from the center of the city.”
“There's a glorious sense of freedom in comedy, just allowing myself to tell jokes, allowing myself to interrupt myself and tell old African folk stories that I made up - or didn't - and Jamaican stories.”
“A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education.”
“If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything.”
“When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.”
“Sometimes you lose a battle. But mischief always wins the war”
“Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.”
“Those who are serious in ridiculous matters will be ridiculous in serious matters.”
“Good authors, too, who once knew better words now only use four-letter words writing prose... anything goes.”
“Better a debauched canary than a pious wolf.”
“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
“If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?”
“My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.”