“Foolery, sir, does walk about the orb like the sun; it shines everywhere.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 46 of 1263
“I would like permission to fetch a note from my mother, sir' Ridcully sighed. 'Rincewind, you once informed me, to my everlasting puzzlement, that you never knew your mother because she ran away before you were born. Distinctly remember writing it down in my diary. Would you like another try?' 'Permission to go and find my mother?'”
“Miracles are signs not to them that believe, but to them that believe not.”
“The beet is the most intense of vegetables”
“The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, 'Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and yelling, 'You want a piece of me?'”
“Appear weak when you are strong, and strong when you are weak.”
“Everybody who is incapable of learning has taken to teaching.”
“Everybody has opinions: I have them, you have them. And we are all told from the moment we open our eyes, that everyone is entitled to his or her opinion. Well, that's horsepuckey, of course. We are not entitled to our opinions; we are entitled to our informed opinions. Without research, without background, without understanding, it's nothing. It's just bibble-babble. It's like a fart in a wind tunnel, folks.”
“The larger the group, the more toxic, the more of your beauty as an individual you have to surrender for the sake of group thought. And when you suspend your individual beauty you also give up a lot of your humanity. You will do things in the name of a group that you would never do on your own. Injuring, hurting, killing, drinking are all part of it, because you've lost your identity, because you now owe your allegiance to this thing that's bigger than you are and that controls you.”
“Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.”
“Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?”
“The physician can bury his mistakes, but the architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.”
“You can go to heaven if you want. I'd rather stay in Bermuda.”
“Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar.”
“When things get too heavy, just call me helium, the lightest known gas to man.”
“A woman doing comedy doesn't offend me, but sets me back a bit. I, as a viewer, have trouble with it. I think of her as a producing machine that brings babies in the world.”
“Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.”
“Success is a great deodorant. It takes away all your past smells.”
“The search for a scapegoat is the easiest of all hunting expeditions.”
“Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.”