“Be careful with drinking this Christmas. I got so drunk last night I found myself dancing in a cheesy bar... Or, as you like to call it, delicatessen.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 48 of 1263
“Drop it like it's hot.”
“If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.”
“How come abbreviated is such a long word?”
“You can tell alot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.”
“I also have always liked the monster within idea. I like the zombies being us. Zombies are the blue-collar monsters.”
“Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.”
“Few things are more irritating than when someone who is wrong is also very effective in making his point.”
“Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.”
“The best minds will tell you that when a man has begotten a child he is morally bound to tenderly care for it, protect it from hurt, shield it from disease, clothe it, feed it, bear with its waywardness, lay no hand upon it save in kindness and for its own good, and never in any case inflict upon it a wanton cruelty. God's treatment of his earthly children, every day and every night, is the exact opposite of all that, yet those best minds warmly justify these crimes, condone them, excuse them, and indignantly refuse to regard them as crimes at all, when he commits them.”
“All I say is, kings is kings, and you got to make allowances. Take them all around, they're a mighty ornery lot. It's the way they're raised.”
“Where's the church, who took the steeple, Religion's in the hands of some crazy ass people, Television preachers with bad hair and dimples, The God's honest truth is, it's not that simple”
“Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.”
“The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.”
“I never was a crazy liquor drinker, and I don't like beer that much - though I keep the brews at home because my homies love beer.”
“Talent is not sexually transmitted.”
“The cabbage surpasses all other vegetables. If, at a banquet, you wish to dine a lot and enjoy your dinner, then eat as much cabbage as you wish, seasoned with vinegar, before dinner, and likewise after dinner eat some half-dozen leaves. It will make you feel as if you had not eaten, and you can drink as much as you like.”
“I'm a nut, but not just a nut.”
“Friendship is so weird. You just pick a human you've met and you're like, 'Yep, I like this one,' and you just do stuff with them.”
“Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not.”