“Revenge is sweet and not fattening.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 49 of 1263
“There is nothing so absurd that it cannot be believed as truth if repeated often enough.”
“Use every man after his desert, and who should scape whipping?”
“Anyone who considers protocol unimportant has never dealt with a cat.”
“Philadelphia merely seems dull because it's next to exciting Camden, New Jersey.”
“Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.”
“I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.”
“Can't stay long, Mother," he said. "I'm up front, the prefects have got two compartments to themselves-" "Oh, are you a prefect, Percy?" said one of the twins, with an air of great surprise. "You should have said something, we had no idea." "Hang on, I think I remember him saying something about it," said the other twin. "Once-" "Or twice-" "A minute-" "All summer-" "Oh, shut up," said Percy the Prefect.”
“Are you trying to weasel out of showing us any of this stuff?" said Zacharias Smith. "Here's an idea," said Ron loudly, "why don't you shut your mouth?" "Well, we've all turned up to learn from him, and now he's telling us he can't really do any of it," he said. "That's not what he said," said Fred Weasley. "Would you like us to clean out your ears for you?" inquired George, pulling a long and lethal-looking metal instrument from inside one of the Zonko's bags. "Or any part of your body, really, we're not fussy where we stick this," said Fred.”
“Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.”
“Really, what are the options? Levi's or Wranglers. And you just pick one. It's one of those life choices.”
“Cicero is dead! Cicero is born! The laughter has filled me, filled me so very completely. I am the laughter. I am the jester. The soul that has served as my constant companion for so long has breached the veil of the Void finally and forever. It is now in me. It is me. The world has seen the last of Cicero the man. Behold Cicero, Fool of Hearts - laughter incarnate!”
“The roulette table pays nobody except him that keeps it. Nevertheless a passion for gaming is common, though a passion for keeping roulette tables is unknown.”
“Be open minded, but not so open minded that your brains fall out.”
“Don't let schooling interfere with your education.”
“One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.”
“Publicity can be terrible. But only if you don't have any.”
“You may catch more flies with honey than vinegar, but you'll get them to work harder if you use a flyswatter.”
“During the Vietnam War, which lasted longer than any war we've ever been in - and which we lost - every respectable artist in this country was against the war. It was like a laser beam. We were all aimed in the same direction. The power of this weapon turns out to be that of a custard pie dropped from a stepladder six feet high.”
“I have been called a curmudgeon, which my obsolescent dictionary defines as a "surly, illmannered, badtempered fellow." ... Nowadays, curmudgeon is likely to refer to anyone who hates hypocrisy, cant, sham, dogmatic ideologies, the pretenses and evasions of euphemism, and has the nerve to point out unpleasant facts and takes the trouble to impale these sins on the skewer of humor and roast them over the fires of empiric fact, common sense, and native intelligence. In this nation of bleating sheep and braying jackasses, it then becomes an honor to be labeled curmudgeon.”