“All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 64 of 1263
“That's what hell must be like, small chat to the babbling of Lethe about the good old days when we wished we were dead.”
“I always liked the idea that America is a big facade. We are all insects crawling across on the shiny hood of a Cadillac. We're all looking at the wrapping. But we won't tear the wrapping to see what lies beneath.”
“The Devil, can sometimes do a very gentlemanly thing.”
“Okra is the closest thing to nylon I've ever eaten. It's like they bred cotton with a green bean. Okra, tastes like snot. The more you cook it, the more it turns into string.”
“I thought lacrosse was what you find in la church.”
“I don't believe in bodybuilders using steroids. If a man doesn't have enough male hormones in his system to create, a nice hard, muscular body, he should take up ping pong.”
“If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat”
“Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?”
“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”
“We're intellectual opposites. Well, I'm intellectual and you're opposite.”
“It seems to me that we all look at Nature too much, and live with her too little.”
“If my critics saw me walking over the Thames they would say it was because I couldn't swim.”
“Few people think more than two or three times a year; I have made an international reputation for myself by thinking once or twice a week.”
“Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.”
“People never believe in volcanoes until the lava actually overtakes them.”
“The alternate domination of one faction over another, sharpened by the spirit of revenge natural to party dissension, which in different ages and countries has perpetrated the most horrid enormities, is itself a frightful despotism. But this leads at length to a more formal and permanent despotism.”
“My brother thinks he's a chicken-We don't talk him out of it because we need the eggs”
“I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.”
“Yet some can be patriotic who have no self-respect, and sacrifice the greater to the less. They love the soil which makes their graves, but have no sympathy with the spirit which may still animate their clay. Patriotism is a maggot in their heads.”