“Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 66 of 1263
“Do you see yonder cloud that’s almost in shape of a camel? Polonius: By the mass, and ‘tis like a camel, indeed. Hamlet: Methinks it is like a weasel. Polonius: It is backed like a weasel. Hamlet: Or like a whale? Polonius: Very like a whale.”
“The main difference between men and women is that men are lunatics and women are idiots.”
“There is nothing strange, creepy, or inappropriate about John Travolta .”
“Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt.”
“I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.”
“Some people without brains do an awful lot of talking, don't you think?”
“I am a kind of paranoid in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy.”
“If you’re not in Gryffindor, we’ll disinherit you,” said Ron, “but no pressure.”
“Which way did they go, Peeves?" Filch was saying. "Quick, tell me." "Say 'please.'" "Don't mess with me, Peeves, now where did they go?" "Shan't say nothing if you don't say please," said Peeves in his annoying singsong voice. "All right- PLEASE." "NOTHING! Ha haaa! Told you I wouldn't say nothing if you didn't say please! Ha ha! Haaaaaa!" And they heard the sound of Peeves whooshing away and Filch cursing in rage.”
“What are we doing here? Has something gone wrong?” “Oh no, Ron,” came Fred’s voice, very sarcastically. “No, this is exactly where we wanted to end up.”
“Oh, shut up Weatherby.”
“Gandalf: Confound it all, Samwise Gamgee. Have you been eavesdropping? Sam: I ain't been droppin' no eaves sir, honest. I was just cutting the grass under the window there, if you'll follow me. Gandalf: A little late for trimming the verge, don't you think? Sam: I heard raised voices. Gandalf: What did you hear? Speak. Sam: N-nothing important. That is, I heard a good deal about a ring, and a Dark Lord, and something about the end of the world, but... Please, Mr. Gandalf, sir, don't hurt me. Don't turn me into anything... unnatural.”
“If there hadn't been women we'd still be squatting in a cave eating raw meat, because we made civilization in order to impress our girlfriends.”
“Educational television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around with royal-blue chickens.”
“Just hit the blunt one time and see if it don't change your perception on whats important in your life.”
“In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Colosseum called the Caesarian Section.”
“There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.”
“Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but follows religiously the new.”
“I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts.”