“A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station….”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 76 of 1263
“If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.”
“Take the money and run.”
“Any fool can turn a blind eye but who knows what the ostrich sees in the sand.”
“Sam Vimes could parallel process. Most husbands can. They learn to follow their own line of thought while at the same time listening to what their wives say. And the listening is important, because at any time they could be challenged and must be ready to quote the last sentence in full. A vital additional skill is being able to scan the dialogue for telltale phrases such as "and they can deliver it tomorrow" or "so I've invited them for dinner?" or "they can do it in blue, really quite cheaply.”
“My real name's McGill. The Jew thing I just do for the homeboys. They all want a pipe-hitting member of the tribe, so to speak.”
“Let's form proactive synergy restructuring teams.”
“Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart.”
“Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison.”
“I always look at a girls shoes. And if they’re wearing heels, i wonder how she would look if she was just wearing those.”
“It always cracks me up when people try to impress God, because people don't have to impress God. He's already knocked out by you.”
“Laughing on the way to your execution is not generally understood by less-advanced life forms, and they call you crazy.”
“It is not a bad thing that children should occasionally, and politely, put parents in their place.”
“Slanderers do not hurt me because they do not hit me.”
“Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.”
“If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?”
“Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.”
“Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.”
“Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.”
“Pretend to be weak, so your enemy may grow arrogant.”