“It used to be a good hotel, but that proves nothing - I used to be a good boy.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 75 of 1263
“H is for Hardware store: I'd rather go to the hardware store than the opera. And I like the opera.”
“I'm on performance enhancing drugs, so I may cause drowsiness.”
“Ever since I started to get recognition I've picked out certain fans and reverse-stalked them.”
“Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.”
“We act and walk and speak and talk in ways that consolidate an impression of being a man or being a woman.”
“Politics will eventually be replaced by imagery. The politician will be only too happy to abdicate in favor of his image, because the image will be so much more powerful than he could ever be.”
“A husband is a plaster that cures all the ills of girlhood.”
“Writing is the flip side of sex - it's good only when it's over.”
“Those jeans are comfortable, and for those of you who want your president to look great in his tight jeans, I'm sorry I'm not the guy. It just doesn't fit me. I'm not 20.”
“My English is perfect. I just like to say garbled nonsense to throw people off and keep them from bothering me. Cryptic is cool and it just adds to my mystique. I mean, Cancellara says some wacky stuff in English and nobody makes fun of him.”
“Trout fishing. One must be a stickler for proper form. Use nothing but #4 blasting caps, or a hand grenade, if handy, or at a pool well-lined with stone, one blast from a .44 magnum will bring a few stunned brookies quietly to the surface.”
“The Honey is sweet, but the Bee has a Sting.”
“If you want to split a bottle with a friend, then Sammy Hagar is your guy. If you want to split your friend with a bottle than give me a call.”
“Socrates became a trendsetter. Other philosophers, including Plato and Aristotle and Gus, quickly followed suit, dropping their last names too. And, for centuries after that there would be countless imitators including oltaire, Michelangelo, and, much later, Cher.”
“Canoe + waterfall = I don't go camping anymore.”
“I'm sure that in 1985, plutonium is available in every corner drugstore, but in 1955, it's a little hard to come by.”
“Only in america will you see people circling the parking lot looking for a close space at a gym.”
“Money doesn't buy happiness. It buys great hookers - but not happiness.”
“Hark to that shrill, sudden shout, The cry of an applauding multitude, Swayed by some loud-voiced orator who wields The living mass as if he were its soul!”