“Governments will use whatever technology is available to combat their primary enemy - their own population.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 80 of 1263
“It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.”
“I didn't show up at the ceremony to collect any of my first three Oscars. Once I went fishing, another time there was a war on, and on another occasion, I remember, I was suddenly taken drunk.”
“The human tongue is like wasabi: it's very powerful, and should be used sparingly.”
“The establishment will irritate you - pull your beard, flick your face - to make you fight. Because once they've got you violent, then they know how to handle you. The only thing they don't know how to handle is non-violence and humor.”
“A cold, self-righteous prig who goes regularly to church may be far nearer to Hell than a prostitute.”
“I'm probably a bit of a cheeky grandson, like my brother as well. We both take the mickey a bit too much.”
“It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.”
“People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.”
“Golden eagles have an interesting way of mating, where they connect in the air while flying at eighty miles an hour and then they start dropping and they don't stop dropping until the act is completed. So it's not uncommon that they both fall all the way to the ground, hit the ground and both of them die. That's how committed they are to this. I thought to myself, 'Boy, don't we feel like wimps for stopping to answer the phone.' I don't know about you, but if I'm one of these two birds, you're getting close to the ground... I would serioulsy consider fakin' it.”
“Laugh. Laugh as much as you can. Laugh until you cry. Cry until you laugh. Keep doing it even if people are passing you on the street saying, "I can't tell if that person is laughing or crying, but either way they seem crazy, let's walk faster." Emote. It's okay. It shows you are thinking and feeling.”
“Bore: one who has the power of speech but not the capacity for conversation.”
“He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.”
“Television is an invention that permits you to be entertained in your living room by people you wouldn't have in your home.”
“For the last 30 years, I've been leading a life of crime and international intrigue that's involved 40 stamps in my passport, love affairs, and broken hearts to go with each one of them. You would have to live three lifetimes to catch up with just the allegations that follow me!”
“REGARDING THE MARCHING BAND: How much more interesting it would be to see a creeping band.”
“The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.”
“Cold beer is bottled God.”
“The only thing in this world that gives orders is balls.”
“I have an abacus at home.”