“I haven't seen this many men dressed in women's clothing since my bachelor party”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 84 of 1263
“To take those fools in clerical garb seriously is to show them too much honor.”
“Vanity in its idler moments is benevolent, is as willing to give pleasure as to take it, and accepts as sufficient reward for its services a kind word or an approving smile.”
“Puns are the highest form of literature.”
“Drama is real life with all the boring parts cut out.”
“Food simply isn't important to me.”
“While you're playing cards with a regular guy or having a bite to eat with him, he seems a peaceable, good-humoured and not entirely dense person. But just begin a conversation with him about something inedible, politics or science, for instance, and he ends up in a deadend or starts in on such an obtuse and base philosophy that you can only wave your hand and leave.”
“Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.”
“Holy Men! Holy Cabbages! Holy Bean Pods! What do they do but live and suck in sustenance and grow fat?”
“Tea to the English is really a picnic indoors.”
“I'll tell you why I like the cigarette business. It cost a penny to make. Sell it for a dollar. It's addictive. And there's a fantastic brand loyalty.”
“Money is like manure, its only good if you spread it around.”
“In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.”
“Never murder a man when he's busy committing suicide.”
“The smile that flickers on a baby’s lips when he sleeps- does anyone know where it was born? Yes, there is a rumor that a young pale beam of a crescent moon touched the edge of a vanishing autumn cloud, and there the smile was first born in the dream of a dew-washed morning.”
“The good rain, like a bad preacher, does not know when to leave off.”
“Why, sir, Sherry is dull, naturally dull; but it must have taken him a great deal of pains to become what we now see him. Such an excess of stupidity, Sir, is not in Nature.”
“Sham Harga had run a successful eatery for many years by always smiling, never extending credit, and realizing that most of his customers wanted meals properly balanced between the four food groups: sugar, starch, grease, and burnt crunchy bits.”
“In terms of the creative side of it, it's really been a thing where you come up with the funny stuff is usually at a bar or out talking to people or whatever.”
“Exhilaration is that feeling you get just after a great idea hits you, and just before you realize what's wrong with it.”