“The President of today is just the postage stamp of tomorrow.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 86 of 1263
“The more toppings a man has on his pizza, I believe the more manly he is. [...] A manly man don't want it piled high with vegetables! He would call that a sissy pizza.”
“Among Jews, there is an absence of drunkenness, always a fruitful source of domestic strife and misconduct.”
“Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate.”
“We are strange beings, we seem to go free, but we go in chains - chains of training, custom, convention, association, environment - in a word, Circumstance, and against these bonds the strongest of us struggle in vain.”
“In my day, I, being the first supermodel, I hawked everything.”
“My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality.”
“How do I let the director know how obsessed I am and willing to do anything for the movie? Like, I wanted to write this one director a letter, so I wrote him a handwritten note. But then I was like, 'How many people are writing this guy handwritten letters? Is it going to seem cheesy? What do I do?'”
“If we couldn't laugh, we would all going to go insane.”
“The man of understanding finds everything laughable.”
“Anybody who claims to be excited for April Fools' Day is probably a sociopath.”
“They say fish should swim thrice * * * first it should swim in the sea (do you mind me?) then it should swim in butter, and at last, sirrah, it should swim in good claret.”
“I dove on those papers like Sherlock Holmes on a cappuccino binge.”
“Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.”
“Some critics will write 'Maya Angelou is a natural writer' - which is right after being a natural heart surgeon.”
“Not causing trouble, not touching anything, fixing the primus.”
“Punch a man on the nose, kick an old man downstairs, shoot somebody or any old thing like that, that’s my job. But argue with women in love—no thank you!”
“There are some women whose pregnancy would make some sly bachelor smile.”
“Because we grew up surrounded by big dramatic story arcs in books and movies, we think our lives are supposed to be filled with huge ups and downs. So people pretend there is drama where there is none.”
“Marathon running, like golf, is a game for players, not winners. That is why Callaway sells golf clubs and Nike sells running shoes. But running is unique in that the world's best racers are on the same course, at the same time, as amateurs, who have as much chance of winning as your average weekend warrior would scoring a touchdown in the NFL.”