“One time Robert Plant was set to check into the same room after I checked out, so I removed every light bulb and ordered up a bunch of stinky cheese and put it under the mattress.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 85 of 1263
“What is this demilitarized zone? Whatever it is, I like it! Gets you on your toes better than a strong cup of cappuccino.”
“I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.”
“Illusory joy is often worth more than genuine sorrow.”
“In my mind, New York was the place where they had the underground rap shows and I could get in on some ciphers and just rap. This whole fantasy world I had created in my head about New York just from listening to the music my whole life, like, I'ma go up there and do that. But when I came up here, there was none of that, that scene was dead.”
“People ask me if there are going to be stories of Harry Potter as an adult. Frankly, if I wanted to, I could keep writing stories until Harry is a senior citizen, but I don't know how many people would actually want to read about a 65 year old Harry still at Hogwarts playing bingo with Ron and Hermione.”
“Of course we still want to know you!" Harry said, staring at Hagrid. "You don't think anything that Skeeter cow - sorry, Professor," he added quickly, looking at Dumbledore. "I have gone temporarily deaf and haven't any idea what you said, Harry," said Dumbledore, twiddling his thumbs and staring at the ceiling.”
“Oh, get out of the way, Percy,” said Fred. “Harry’s in a hurry.” “Yeah, he’s off to the Chamber of Secrets for a cup of tea with his fanged servant,” said George, chortling.”
“I don't know a lot about politics, but I can recognise a good party man when I see one.”
“When taxes are too high, people go hungry. When the government is too intrusive, people lose their spirit. Act for the people's benefit. Trust them; leave them alone.”
“The English are polite by telling lies. The Americans are polite by telling the truth.”
“The only thing that ever consoles man for the stupid things he does is the praise he always gives himself for doing them.”
“Life is one fool thing after another whereas love is two fool things after each other.”
“What's the ROI of your Mom?”
“A salad is not a meal, it is a style.”
“People always tell me "Have a nice day." Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?”
“So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.”
“An ass may bray a good while before he shakes the stars down.”
“When it gets hot like this, you know what I do? I keep my undies in the ice box.”
“If there are gods, why is the world so full of pain and injustice?' 'Because of men like you.”