"If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?"
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Quote collection
Steven Wright quotes (page 4 of 27)
529 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time."
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"Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home."
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"Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen."
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"Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm."
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"I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone."
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"I worked in a health food store once. A guy asked me, 'If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?"
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"I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter."
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"I finally got around to reading the dictionary. Turns out the Zebra did it."
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"I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly."
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"I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything."
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"When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane."
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"If God dropped acid, would he see people?"
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"Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?"
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"Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?"
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"Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'"
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"They say the universe is expanding. That should help with the traffic."
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"My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it's unbelievably clear."
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"Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?"
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"Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, "Do I know you?"
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