Steven Wright

Steven Wright

Comedian

Steven Wright is a stand-up comedian and actor known for his deadpan delivery and surreal humor, particularly in his unique one-liners.

Funny Humor People Thinking Night Life
Born
December 6, 1955
Quotes
529
Rank
#4650

Quote collection

Steven Wright quotes (page 7 of 27)

529 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.

Steven Wright Comedian
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"All those who believe in psychokinesis - raise my hand."

Funny Believe Humor
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Steven Wright Comedian
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"If you are sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?"

Funny Humor Styrofoam
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Steven Wright Comedian
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"I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck. But my lawyer thinks he can get me five."

Inspirational Life Thinking
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"I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again."

Funny Hilarious Witty
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"When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey."

Funny Running Brother
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Steven Wright Comedian
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"If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny."

Funny Humor Two
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Steven Wright Comedian
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"It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it."

Funny Work Humor
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"Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?"

Funny Humor Glue
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"I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add."

Funny Humor Water
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"I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car."

Funny Friends Humor
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"Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in January and then I wouldn't have to eat again for the rest of the year, I would take it. Of course, I wouldn't want to sacrifice my chocolate cake and ice cream."

Sacrifice Ice Cream Years
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