"I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books"
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Quote collection
Groucho Marx quotes (page 13 of 16)
319 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"A man who says he can see through a woman is missing a lot.-Groucho Marx A man's only as old as the woman he feels."
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"You've forgotten those June nights at the Riviera...the night I drank Champagne from your slipper - two quarts. It would have been more but you were wearing inner soles."
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"The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around. If you write about someone else, you can stretch the truth from here to Finland. If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar."
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"I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it."
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"Any place I hang my head is home."
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"Hello, I must be going."
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"I know a member of one of New York's first families (first as you drive up Tenth Avenue)"
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"And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!"
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"Money cannot buy you happiness, and happiness cannot buy you money. That might be a wise crack, but I doubt it."
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"Policeman: "A hermit eh? Then why's your table set for four?" Groucho: "That's nothing. My alarm clock is set for eight."
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"I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure."
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"When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth""
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"Anybody who doesn't like this book is healthy"
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"I could dance with you till the cows come home. Better still, I'll dance with the cows and you come home." Groucho Marx was never one to pass up an opportunity for a play on words and this occurs in his dialogue of the 1933 film Duck Soup."
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"[Mrs. Teasdale]: He's had a change of heart. [Groucho]: A lot of good that'll do him. He's still got the same face."
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"Remember, the grass is always greener where you don't happen to be the neighbor."
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"I came here for a party and what do I get? Nothing. Not even Ice cream."
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"My experience is that people are most likely to listen to reason when in bed."
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"To write an autobiography of Groucho Marx would be as asinine as to read an autobiography of Groucho Marx."
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