"Many come to bring their clothes to church rather than themselves."
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Humor quotes
Humor
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Humor quotes (page 14 of 192)
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"Of course I don't look busy, I did it right the first time."
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"Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?"
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"When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?"
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"The things we laugh at are awful while they are going on, but get funny when we look back. And other people laugh because they've been through it too. The closest thing to humor is tragedy."
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"Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement."
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"Give the American people a good cause, and there's nothing they can't lick."
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"It is a fair, even-handed, noble adjustment of things, that while there is infection in disease and sorrow, there is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humour."
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"Every government interference in the economy consists of giving an unearned benefit, extorted by force, to some men at the expense of others."
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"Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose."
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"All those who believe in psychokinesis - raise my hand."
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"I like to reminisce with people I don't know."
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"If you are sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?"
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"As one reads history ... one is absolutely sickened, not by the crimes that the wicked have committed, but by the punishments that the good have inflicted."
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"Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs."
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"The Devil fears the word of God, He can't bite it; it breaks his teeth."
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"Find a subject you care about and which you in your heart feel others should care about. It is this genuine caring, and not your games with language, which will be the most compelling and seductive element in your style."
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"I'm a - I'm a, um, a godmother which is just, that's fun to be a godmother, she is so precious, she's the light of my life, she's two... or five or something, and she's, uh... I don't know, I've never seen her - the pictures are precious, she just seems so, y'know... She lives clear across town, I don't have that kind of time, but, um... Well, I send money and stuff, it's not like I don't have a connection..."
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"Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do."
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"One does not accumulate but eliminate. It is not daily increase but daily decrease. The height of cultivation always runs to simplicity."
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