"A home without a cat — and a well-fed, well-petted and properly revered cat — may be a perfect home, perhaps, but how can it prove title?"
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Humor quotes
Humor
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Humor quotes (page 30 of 192)
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"whenever the literary german dives into a sentence, this is the last you are going to see of him till he emerges on the other side of his atlantic with his verb in his mouth."
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"Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven."
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"This I conceive to be the chemical function of humor: to change the character of our thought."
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"A taste for irony has kept more hearts from breaking than a sense of humor, for it takes irony to appreciate the joke which is on oneself."
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"That's part of our policy, is not to be taken seriously because I think our opposition, whoever they may be in all their manifest forms, don't know how to handle humour."
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"Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door."
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"If a man says, "I'll call you," and he doesn't, he didn't forget. . . . he didn't lose your number. . . . he didn't die. He just didn't want to call you."
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"An earthly kingdom cannot exist without inequality of persons. Some must be free, some serfs, some rulers, some subjects."
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"You can't eat a winner's plaque."
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"Our attention span is shot. We've all got Attention Deficit Disorder or ADD or OCD or one of these disorders with three letters because we don't have the time or patience to pronounce the entire disorder. That should be a disorder right there, TBD - Too Busy Disorder."
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"Men are disturbed not by the things that happen, but by their opinion of the things that happen."
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"Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage."
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"Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide."
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"Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time."
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"And finally, and most importantly, the next time we go to war, don't give a specific reason for the war that the left can seize upon and later flog us with it ad nauseam, just do it. Remember, the first rule of Fight Club is that you don't talk about Fight Club."
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"I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown."
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"A luxury meal was prairie sandwiches - two slices of bread with wide-open spaces between them."
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"My father was from Aberdeen, and a more generous man you couldn't wish to meet. I have a gold watch that belonged to him. He sold it to me on his deathbed. I wrote him a cheque for it, post dated of course."
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"School shootings were invented by blacks... and stolen by the white man."
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