“I think better when I'm not sober”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 118 of 1263
“Our best protection against bigger government in Washington is better government in the states.”
“Don't look at me in that tone of voice.”
“A good storyteller never lets the facts get in the way.”
“Goodnight, thank you, and may your God go with you.”
“I'm not against half naked girls - not as often as I'd like to be.”
“What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others.”
“I don't care if you're obscene, filthy, horrendous -- as long as you're honest.”
“Every pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself.”
“There is only one really safe, mild, harmless beverage and you can drink as much of that as you like without running the slightest risk, and what you say when you want it is, 'Garcon! Un Pernod!'”
“He sprang from the grass roots of the country clubs of America.”
“One of the principle qualities of pain is that it demands an explanation.”
“Money, like vodka, turns a person into an eccentric.”
“You can't write a good song about a whorehouse unless you've been in one.”
“Stop, collaborate and listen.”
“Society is always taken by surprise at any new example of common sense.”
“Do not Blame the world. Find a solution.”
“As a species we're fundamentally insane. Put more than two of us in a room, we pick sides and start dreaming up reasons to kill one another. Why do you think we invented politics and religion?”
“First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.”
“I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.”