“Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 139 of 1263
“Pitch a lucky man into the Nile, says the Arabian proverb, and he will come up with a fish in his mouth!”
“Girls who put out are tramps. Girls who don't are ladies. This is, however, a rather archaic usage of the word. Should one of you boys happen upon a girl who doesn't put out, do not jump to the conclusion that you have found a lady. What you have probably found is a Lesbian.”
“Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure.”
“Which one of us, anywhere in the world, doesn't yearn to be believed when the audience is watching?”
“A woman gets stretch marks from one of two things. Either she was big and got small or she was small and got big.”
“Genius is often called crazy, but crazy is never called genius. So you just have to put out the work and let the chips fall where they may.”
“People think life is real complicated. Actually, there's nothing to it. Once you leave out all the bullshit they teach you in school, life gets really simple.”
“If a painting can be forged well enough to fool experts, why is the original so valuable?”
“You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.”
“Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids”
“It is an unfortunate human failing that a full pocketbook often groans more loudly than an empty stomach.”
“Modern intelligence won't accept anything on authority. But it will accept anything without authority.”
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.”
“The only real laughter comes from despair.”
“There must be reasons why we men are so hipped on breasts as if we'd all been weaned too soon.”
“Globalization is the result of powerful governments, especially that of the United States, pushing trade deals and other accords down the throats of the world’s people to make it easier for corporations and the wealthy to dominate the economies of nations around the world without having obligations to the peoples of those nations.”
“One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough.”
“Many critics are like woodpeckers, who, instead of enjoying the fruit and shadow of a tree, hop incessantly around the trunk, pecking holes in the bark to discover some little worm or other.”
“A good lawyer knows the law; a clever one takes the judge to lunch.”