“Don't complain to others about your troubles. Half of them don't care and the other half are glad.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 141 of 1263
“Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.”
“Never praise your cider or your horse”
“Ignorance breeds fear. If you don't keep that fear in check, that fear will breed hatred. If you don't keep hatred in check it will breed destruction.”
“Classic Van Halen made people want to dance and f**k. Modern Van Halen makes you want to drink milk and drive foreign cars.”
“To remove blood stains from your conscience try frozen margaritas.”
“Never lose your temper, except intentionally.”
“The main purpose of the stock market is to make fools of as many men as possible.”
“You can cheat an honest man but not make a fool out of him.”
“Leave the shower curtain on the inside of the tub.”
“There was more good acting at Hollywood parties than ever appeared on the screen.”
“There needs to be an app that edits what I say versus what I want to say.”
“If you want to know how to please a woman, just talk to a neuroscience major from Columbia.”
“Goals are like bananas, they come in bunches.”
“But, when you have to resort to turntables, trick lights, flashing lights, fire and all that, you're actually saying, I need this because what I do is not all that together.”
“Stupidity has a knack of getting its way.”
“I’ve never been very keen on women who hang their sex round their neck like baubles. I think it should be discovered. It’s more interesting to discover the sex in a woman than it is to have it thrown at you, like a Marilyn Monroe or those types. To me they are rather vulgar and obvious.”
“The words we read and words we write never say exactly what we mean. The people we love are never just as we desire them. The two symbola never perfectly match. Eros is in between.”
“I believe - to the best of my recollection, anyway - that I soon made the classic error of moving from margaritas to actual shots of straight tequila. It does make it easier to meet new people.”
“Some people's affability is more deadly than the violence of coarser souls.”