“When kids hit one year old, it's like hanging out with a miniature drunk. You have to hold onto them. They bump into things. They laugh and cry. They urinate. They vomit.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 32 of 1263
“He who loves not women, wine, and song Remains a fool his whole life long.”
“When you win, say nothing. When you lose, say less.”
“No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.”
“Beware of the young doctor and the old barber.”
“I do things like get in a taxi and say, "The library, and step on it.”
“The United States brags about its political system, but the President says one thing during the election, something else when he takes office, something else at midterm and something else when he leaves.”
“A peacock that rests on his feathers is just another turkey.”
“Those who have mastered etiquette, who are entirely, impeccably right, would seem to arrive at a point of exquisite dullness.”
“your body is not a temple, it's an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”
“The person who writes for fools is always sure of a large audience.”
“Humor is one of the best ingredients of survival.”
“It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies.”
“Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.”
“It is requisite for the relaxation of the mind that we make use, from time to time, of playful deeds and jokes.”
“If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?”
“Are you stalking me? Because that would be super.”
“You're a prefect? Oh Ronnie! That's everyone in the family!" "What are Fred and I? Next door neighbors?”
“THERE ARE TWO THINGS that don't have to mean anything, one is music and the other is laughter.”
“My favorite animal is steak.”