“We are here on Earth to fart around. Don't let anybody tell you any different.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 42 of 1263
“The population suffers from a fear of change, for their conditioning assumes a static identity, and challenging ones belief system, usually results in insult and apprehension, for being wrong is erroneously associated with failure. When in fact, to be proven wrong should be a celebrated, for it is elevating someone to a new level of understanding.”
“Cats invented self-esteem.”
“Money can't buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it.”
“Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.”
“When it snows in your nose, you catch cold in your brain.”
“Anyone who used more than three chords is just showing off.”
“I prefer to shock rather than to bore through repetition.”
“A man who uses a great many words to express his meaning is like a bad marksman who, instead of aiming a single stone at an object, takes up a handful and throws at it in hopes he may hit.”
“Zoology, eh? That's a big word, isn't it." "No, actually it isn't," said Tiffany. "Patronizing is a big word. Zoology is really quite short.”
“If at first you don't succeed, try management.”
“I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.”
“It is better to be looked over than overlooked.”
“April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.”
“Waffles аrе јust awesome bread.”
“On some nights, I still believe that a car with the gas needle on empty can run about fifty more miles if you have the right music very loud on the radio.”
“Way, way back in the day, like in the 1990s, if you wanted to tell everyone you ate waffles for breakfast, you couldn’t just go on the Internet and tweet it out. There was only one way to do it. You had to go outside and scream at the top of your lungs, 'I ate waffles for breakfast!' That’s why so many people ended up in institutions. They seemed crazy, but when you think about it, they were just ahead of their time.”
“My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.”
“Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.”
“All great deeds and all great thoughts have a ridiculous beginning.”