“Laughter is the brush that sweeps away the cobwebs of your heart.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 71 of 1263
“Avoid any specific discussion of public policy at public meetings.”
“A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the other one.”
“A lot of shelter dogs are mutts like me.”
“I never eat in a restaurant that's over a hundred feet off the ground and won't stand still.”
“How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.”
“Those who gossip with you will gossip about you.”
“After a hard day of basic training, you could eat a rattlesnake.”
“If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat!”
“I noticed that there are no B batteries. I think that's to avoid confusion, cause if there were you wouldn't know if someone was stuttering. 'Yes, hello I'd like some b-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries!' and D-batteries that's hard for foreigners. 'Yes, I would like de batteries.'”
“If all the young ladies who attended the Yale promenade dance were laid end to end, no one would be the least surprised.”
“Some people are into bondage... and some people are into crossdressing.. . and some people are into Coldplay. It's okay, I don't mind being a fetish.”
“Mockery of religion is one of the most essential things... one of the beginnings of human emancipation is the ability to laugh at authority.”
“Charm is a way of getting the answer 'Yes' without asking a clear question.”
“With fame I become more and more stupid, which of course is a very common phenomenon.”
“Disney has the best casting. If he doesn't like an actor he just tears him up.”
“I dropped my pants in a tattoo parlor in Amsterdam. I woke up in a waterbed with this funky-looking dragon with a blue tongue on my hip. I realized I made a mistake, so a few months later I got a cross to cover it. When my pants hang low, it looks like I'm wearing a dagger!”
“The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too.”
“If the man who turnips cries, Cry not when his father dies, 'Tis proof that he had rather Have a turnip than his father.”
“Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife.”