“The most difficult character in comedy is that of the fool, and he must be no simpleton that plays that part.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 73 of 1263
“Bad artists copy. Good artists steal.”
“A Centaur has a man-stomach and a horse-stomach. And of course both want breakfast. So first of all he has porridge and pavenders and kidneys and bacon and omlette and cold ham and toast and marmalade and coffee and beer. And after that he tends to the horse part of himself by grazing for an hour or so and finishing up with a hot mash, some oats, and a bag of sugar. That's why it's such a serious thing to ask a Centaur to stay for the weeekend. A very serious thing indeed.”
“Why can't I just eat my waffle?”
“Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough.”
“The family. We are a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms. . . and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.”
“What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?”
“To find out a girl's faults, praise her to her girlfriends.”
“In general, children, like men, and men, like children, prefer entertainment to education.”
“Driving a Porsche in London is like bringing a Ming vase to a football game.”
“When you put on a uniform, there are certain inhibitions that you accept.”
“You know how funerals are not for the dead, they’re for the living? Bachelor parties are not for the groom, they’re for the uncommitted.”
“Remember, sex is like a Chinese dinner. It ain't over 'til you both get your cookie.”
“Television is like the invention of indoor plumbing. It didn't change people's habits. It just kept them inside the house.”
“Suspense is like a woman. The more left to the imagination, the more the excitement.”
“If YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY ABOUT ANYONE..COME SIT BY ME.”
“If our goal is to slow migration, then the best way to do so is to work for a more equitable global system. But slowing migration is an odd goal, if the real problem is global inequality.”
“Well, all I know is what I read in the papers.”
“The crow wished everything was black, the Owl, that everything was white.”
“Is one of the fairest portions of the globe to remain in a state of nature, the haunt of a few wretched savages, when it seems destined by the Creator to give support to a large population and to be the seat of civilization?”