"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer."
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Witty quotes
Witty
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Witty quotes (page 14 of 71)
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"A sheep in sheep's clothing."
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"Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination."
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"I know not whether Laws be right, Or whether Laws be wrong; All that we know who be in jail Is that the wall is strong; And that each day is like a year, A year whose days are long."
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"Woman was God's second mistake."
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"I was brought up by very witty people who were dealing with quite difficult things: disease and death... I was brought up by people who tended to giggle at funerals."
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"You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality."
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"Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children."
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"I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again."
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"Women like a man with a past, but they prefer a man with a present"
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"If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized."
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"One must have a heart of stone to read the death of little Nell without laughing."
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"Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted."
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"There are three possible parts to a date, of which at least two must be offered: entertainment, food, and affection. It is customary to begin a series of dates with a great deal of entertainment, a moderate amount of food, and the merest suggestion of affection. As the amount of affection increases, the entertainment can be reduced proportionately. When the affection IS the entertainment, we no longer call it dating. Under no circumstances can the food be omitted."
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"Standing in a garage no more makes you a car than standing in a church makes you a Christian."
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"O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet."
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"An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea at all."
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"You're only as good as your last haircut."
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"Art is 'I'; science is 'we'."
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"It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims."
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