Witty quotes
1.4K quotes on this topic — from poets, philosophers, and thinkers across history.
Explore further
Browse quotes that often appear alongside witty — connected by shared ideas and recurring themes.
Quote collection
Follow a thought to its author, or read the full quote page.
"She marking them begins a wailing note And sings extemporally a woeful ditty How love makes young men thrall and old men dote How love is wise in folly, foolish-witty Her heavy anthem still concludes in woe, And still the choir of echoes answer so."
"How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?"
"I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government."
"You can't be truly rude until you understand good manners."
"My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant."
"I'm not saying that charming, witty and warm copy won't sell. I'm just saying I've seen thousands of charming, witty campaigns that didn't sell."
"I've no time for broads who want to rule the world alone. Without men, who'd do up the zipper on the back of your dress?"
"Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers."
"Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough."
"From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it."
"Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?"
"Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do."
"I rant, therefore I am"
"They who drink beer will think beer."
"Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has no heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains."
"God is silent. Now if only man would shut up."
"I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland."
"Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it."
"The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to get dressed up for it."
"You may admire a girl's curves on the first introduction, but the second meeting shows up new angles."
